Naquela postagem meu medo se tornou verdade. Tangível. Um medo que agora me acomete novamente, mas sem a poesia de Clarice. Neste instante ele é um medo na forma do cotidiano, na forma de quem acha que indo à academia ele poderá se tornar mais realidade que simples auspícios.
Sinto tanto!! (silêncio)
Talvez não. Talvez os fatos de outrora sejam outrora apenas. (Ah! Como espero que sejam!!). Digo isso não pelos fins, mas pelos meios. Os meios são dolorosos. Os meios são infames. Eu sinto arrepios de imaginar banhos no escuro regados por lágrimas infinitas. Eu sinto arrepios de imaginar a ausência de saídas apenas por perceber exacerbados contornos. Eu sinto tanto!!
Mas os fins eram valiosos (acredito nisso ainda agora!).
Tenho que ir. E espero que eles tenham ido também.
5.8.06
Tonight
Tonight I have the graduation prom of this that was ment to be my party (if I haven't decided to change from the private University to the public one). What I'm feeling right now would be better explained in Chinese, I guess. If only I spoke Chinese!!
What can I say?
I felt worried about going over there before, but not latelly. But at this secont I'm so worried!! I feel devasteted, to be honest!
I'm not so sure if there are enough words in this world to explain what I am feeling tonight.....maybe it's not for the prom, maybe it's not for my old classmates. Maybe for everything that it represents. Maybe it's because when I studied there I was happier. Maybe it's because when I studied there I wasn't so stressed. Maybe it's because when I studied there I had the feeling that nice friends were easy to be conquear. Maybe it's because it's past now and past do never come back.
Maybe I feel all that just for I can't avoid thinking how life would be tonight if everything were diferent. Was I going to catch a plane tomorrow mornig for somewhere I wished? Was I going to be happier?
Tears are willing to come. But I'm going to dress fancy for tonight. And I'm going to see how things will turn out to be (at this time not only tonight, but tomorrow and the days after that are ment to arrive....).
Sincearly,
Melody.
What can I say?
I felt worried about going over there before, but not latelly. But at this secont I'm so worried!! I feel devasteted, to be honest!
I'm not so sure if there are enough words in this world to explain what I am feeling tonight.....maybe it's not for the prom, maybe it's not for my old classmates. Maybe for everything that it represents. Maybe it's because when I studied there I was happier. Maybe it's because when I studied there I wasn't so stressed. Maybe it's because when I studied there I had the feeling that nice friends were easy to be conquear. Maybe it's because it's past now and past do never come back.
Maybe I feel all that just for I can't avoid thinking how life would be tonight if everything were diferent. Was I going to catch a plane tomorrow mornig for somewhere I wished? Was I going to be happier?
Tears are willing to come. But I'm going to dress fancy for tonight. And I'm going to see how things will turn out to be (at this time not only tonight, but tomorrow and the days after that are ment to arrive....).
Sincearly,
Melody.
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